I’ve been away this week because I friggin’ scratched my cornea on Monday. Yep, was taking a shower and jabbed myself in the eye by accident and that was it. Couldn’t blink without being in some serious pain, so husband took me to the closest emergency room and pretty much spent all night waiting. I swear they literally had one doctor on duty, and it wasn’t until 5 in the morning did we finally got everything taken care of. Eyepatch in place, antibiotic cream applied, we were both exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep, even though closing the eye itself hurt.
Pretty much spent the entire next day in bed sleeping. The prescription grade ibuprofen helped a lot, too. It makes me amazed that people could take so much painkillers that this would have done nothing when it pretty much dulled the entire pain enough for me to sleep the whole day. When I was in the emergency room there was a druggie in the bed next to me. He was begging for painkillers and the nurse gave him drips of morphine and he was still begging, said he’d been on fentanyl for a long time. I was like wow dude, isn’t that the stuff that’s killing heroin users because it’s so potent? How’re you still alive? I hope he’s okay.
Anyway, so I pretty much couldn’t see for a while. Couldn’t read, couldn’t blink without tearing up, all that stupid jazz. Basically sat on my bed and listened to podcasts or slept. And sometime on Wednesday afternoon, after I slept way more than a person should in a 48 hour period, I realized something:
I haven’t been this relaxed in a long, long time.
That is significant, because I’m habitually super anxious, and there like literally two things that make me feel relaxed and both are very pricey to do. My brain’s always working and worrying about something (mostly my writings these recent years). But sitting on that bed, physically unable to do any work, I feel like a huge pressure had been lifted. (No, it wasn’t the drugs talking either. It’s just ibuprofen for one, and I took the same dose for a few more days and I didn’t feel it after I could see and read again.) Like, you literally couldn’t possibly write anything for a while, so your brain finally goes ‘fine, I give up, stop thinking about how much of a failure you are because your body failed you first’. And so, I was very, very content, for a day.
I told my husband afterwards and he was like, maybe I should just lock your computer with a different password for one day. That way you’re physically prevented from working and you can relax, because you can’t just go 7 days a week all the time. I thought that was a sound idea, so we’re going to try that next week (I’ve already relaxed all week this week). I’ll let you know how it goes.