Revelation

I just realized something regarding NaNoWriMo. I already said that I’m not expecting to meet the 50k word count. It’s not how I write and I don’t believe it would help my noveling process better than what I’m currently doing (not that what I’m currently doing is super efficient or anything, but drumming out more words than I have brain juice for is not the cure). So I’m going to do the best I can, but I expect my realistic word count to be around 20k or so. 25k if I push it.

And then I realized: my novel doesn’t have 50k words left. It only has about 20-25k left. 30k tops (that is me way overestimating how much stuff I still need to add). Of course I’m writing it now, and it’s only the beginning of October, and I still have the whole of November to push for the ‘real’ word count.

So what does this mean? It means, by the end of NaNoWrimo this year, if I keep myself diligent and nothing catastrophic happens (like the scratched cornea) that’d prevent me from writing, I will be finished with this novel. Finally. After all this time.

Of course now I’ve said it’ll never get done. But, well, let’s just go and see.

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NaNoWriMo Prep

I am prepping for NaNoWriMo this month.

I’ve decided this year for NaNo I’m going to work on two things at once. I need to continue to write my first novel, because god damn that thing needs to be done by now. Of course I’ll be writing it throughout October too, and maybe into December? Anyway, that is a given. In the meantime, I will also write a brand new second novel. The second one will be more fun and casual than my first, because I can’t work on two depressing and serious works at once. I will also care less about how “perfect” the second novel will be, which, to be honest, probably means that I will actually finish that one much faster than my first one. I’m usually my own worst enemy.

So for October I will be doing my usual twist on the Snowflake Method to prep for the new novel. I am quite excited, yes – nothing like a new idea to get a writer’s blood pumping. My first novel will be like my day job while this second novel is the “real” NaNo project, like many NaNo participants who have real job to pay bills while working on NaNo on the side. Am I expecting to “win” NaNo and write 50k words in one month? Nope. I think my monthly word count tops off at 20k; 25k if I push. It doesn’t matter, really. The point of the whole exercise for me is a structured way of working, which I’m still not great at doing despite a few years of practice already. I think once I get that conquered I’ll feel much more validated as a writer, even if I haven’t published anything as of yet.

NaNoWriMo Round-up

I did not make it this year either. Like expected. I did maybe 10,000 more words on my novel, which makes it about 35,000 for now. Out of a planned 60k. Oy vey.

But I don’t feel discouraged at all. I actually feel like things are finally, finally going. I think after a year of depression, a year of struggling, I’m finally on track of working as a writer this year. Three years. Fucking depression and fear of failure kept me from my dream job for three years. It’s ridiculous. I have so much lost time to make up. All I can do is steadily work from now on, and doing NaNoWrimo proved that I can 1) make a plan and stick to it; 2) capable of writing a shitty first draft and not erase every single word the next day; 3) actually finish things. I also discovered my words max out around 800-1000 per day. Anymore it’s just not even remotely salvageable.

This does mean I probably will never “win” a NaNoWriMo of 50k in a month. And that’s ok. I probably will still participate every year, and just not care if I can only write 20-30k. The Prep October I do is worth it alone, imo.

2016 had been a shitty year worldwide. Ironically it was the most productive for me for a long time. 2017 better be the year where shit happens and I PUBLISH something. I will damn sure try harder, because obviously my best this year was still stumbling and not enough. It’s high time I do more. I can’t control who’ll publish me, what’ll get published, how it’ll sell, and all that junk. The only one I can control is myself, and well, myself could definitely do more.

Am in the Pits

Yep. I should have over 10k words for NaNo now but I only have about 5k. Oh well. it’s still early, and I can still climb out of it if I just try, I guess? I don’t know. I’ve been quite busy with life these past few days and I guess I’m just not one that can write 50k words, even if I try? I don’t know. Sorry this post is kind of rambling. I’m just a little dejected. It happens every year but you know, I still have to try, try again.

Some people already won! I mean, write 50k words in 7 days? Like, what the hell? It really feels like people are just typing down whatever and say “editing is for later!” I don’t know how can people do that. I mean obviously they can, but I for one just cannot possibly leave a badly written sentence (or paragraph) alone until I fix it to a certain threshold. That’s how I write I guess. It takes me forever to write anything, but the first draft is never “bad”, imo. Speaking of which, I should be getting off this post and go write. We’ll see how things go. Like I said, it’s still kind of early, and even if say I don’t win NaNo, there’s no rules saying I can’t write until the middle of December or whatever. I’m here to finish a novel, not in a month, but, finish, period. And this is why I always have better luck with Camp Nano – I can set my own more realistic word goals and keep up that way.

I’ll just aim for smaller goals today, and see if I can finally finish up that one section that I’d been stuck on for days. Christ.

A Fairly Bad Beginning

I did not have a good day.

I only managed to write about half the words needed yesterday. Better than nothing, but not what I set out to do. In the middle of last night I got woken up with intense cramps from menstruation – man, if i could trade the ability to have children with not suffering horrible monthly pain and ridiculous bleeding (so much that I become anemic and have chronic low iron) I’d do so in a heartbeat. But it’s the usual three Advil every six hours routine for the next three or four days for me. Because I have to take Advil with food so I don’t burn a hole in my stomach, I got up before the sun and made myself breakfast. And then because I only had like four hours of horrible sleep I went back to bed again. And passed out til near noon.

I am not in a good place to write today. Had to cancel lunch with my author friend since all I want was stay in bed with some tea and read. But no, it’s not that NaNo should be grueling perseverance or anything remotely such, but I also promised myself that I will finish my novel, soon, hopefully before the end of the year. People with horrible health problems all have to get up and go to work everyday, so what’s my stupid excuse? It’s not even bad just pain that go away for a while with enough painkillers. I don’t have to do backbreaking work – a privilege, I should say. So right now I’m going to try to start writing – at 4 in the afternoon. Better than not writing, and any little bit of progress is still progress, despite how futile it currently seems.

NaNoWriMo

I’m doing NaNoWriMo this year. I spent most of October prepping, and for the first time I feel like I’ve actually done adequate work. I’m not really doing NaNoWriMo to “win,” per se; it matters little to me if I actually get 50k words in a month, than 50k, period, in a reasonable, steady amount of time. I meet up with an author friend every two weeks or so, and she had just coined my attempt as more of a “NaNoWri,” which I find fairly accurate. I’ve tried NaNoWriMo every year for a number of years now, and could never win. I learned through the experience that I am 1) a definite, concrete planner; 2) run out of steam really quickly; 3) obsess over edits like no tomorrow; and 4) needs fluffy peptalk more than general craft advice. Pretty horrible habits for a so-called professional writer, which I’m hoping to slowly and steadily break.

Now I have all my characters fleshed out, all the timelines done, and more or less have a point-by-point chapter outline. I’ve been working on this novel for so long, it’s high time to finally finish it. At least in the next month or two. I’m looking forward to November 1, as of right now. Probably will change to panic or some such once November 5th comes along. I usually run out of steam in a few days, unless I deliberately pace myself, which I’m planning to do, but only time can tell.