Happy Thoughts

It’s now morning (well, almost noon) and my husband hasn’t called yet, but I’m feeling much better. I had an unsettling dream (don’t remember exactly what) and I freaked out a little bit over my past mistakes when I woke up, but other than that I’d say it’s an alright start. Iv’e also done a lot of my morning routine much quicker. Huh, never realized talking to someone would actually take up a lot of time. If I just do all my routine in absolute silence I’d probably get it done in 2/3 of the time. But that’d be boring, and a little creepy too if there’re other people around you, like you’re a robot or something.

Speaking of robots, I’ve started to read Philip K. Dick’s short story collection last night, and then after the first one I promptly decided that I’m not going to read them while my husband’s gone. Way too dystopian, literary, and depressing (and usually those are the stories I find fascinating). I need some cheerful happy things to read right now, you know? So I think I’m just going to read comic books. I’ve just started on Saga and so far the two volumes I’ve read are pretty awesome. I also haven’t got through the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series yet (I have up to book 9; they’re so fun and lighthearted and quick to read! Children’s book sometimes can be great escapes if your life is not quite up to par, I think.) So I think the next half month I’ll just be drowning in cartoons because, well, it’s not really a time for contemplating our measly existence against killer robots right now. That can be done later, when I’m in better mental shape.

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Loneliness

My husband just left for a two-week trip. I’m feeling kind of lonely, so hey, what’s a better time to blog than now?

It’s been a while since I’ve been left by myself completely while husband goes on a trip. Usually we travel together, or like the last time I left first and then we came back together. It’s kind of lonely, and by kind of I mean very. I cried a little bit because I miss him. He’d never left this late before which contributed. If he were to travel during the morning then by the time night rolls I around I got a whole day to get readjusted and my feelings sorted out, and then everything’s fine. Now I’m just sad. Your house really doesn’t sound so quiet until you’re truly by yourself, you know? Then you’re like, oy, it’ll be two weeks of this? Yeesh!

I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve lived alone for so long before getting together with someone, but then you get used to it, right? I’m sure at some point I was like dude leave me alone it’s too loud in here! The total opposite of now. My husband’s flight is about 12 +3-4 hours (layover) total. So by the time I wake up tomorrow morning he should be able to video chat me. So that’s not too bad. I always do this, actually, when we’re apart. I would be super sad for a few days and then in a week I’ll be back to “alone” mode and everything’s normal again. (Having friends to hang out with also help, but not a requisite.)

I’ve decided that to battle boredom I’m just going to clean the entire friggin’ house for the next two weeks. I don’t mean the usual vaccum/dust/mop thing. I mean like, sort every single crap we’ve neglected to put away these, um, six months? Longer? Anyway, sort everything and put them in their respective places (and if there’s no places yet, make one, new house and all) and then clean everything. The amount of junkmail that we need to shred is like a giant basketfull just sitting on the dining room table. Plus more files/books/knickknacks/souvenirs from travel etc. etc. Hoo, that plus work will keep me busy. Before you know it my husband’ll be back and he’ll be like wow, you’ve been so productive and I’d be like, yeah… I missed you so ultra organization mode kicked in. Then we can actually invite people over without me thinking how messy this house is. I’d consider that a win.

I Win! For once.

I actually made my word count for July Camp NaNoWriMo! Yay!!!

I set a word goal of 16000 words on my novel this month. Yeah, it’s not much, but hey, I actually accomplished what I set out to do this one time. Wow. More than a decade of trying both NaNo and Camp NaNo and never making past halfway of any of my goals, and today is the day. July 2017. Jesus Christ I am horrible at this furious writing thing.

But I’m not going to dwell on all of my past failings, at least not today. I made a word count goal at the beginning of the month, and I’m at it now. So. Kudos to me. I’m going to go have some ice cream to celebrate.

Camp-2017-Winner-Twitter-Header
The official winning banner!

Third…Week?

I’ve been writing pretty steadily ever since July Camp NaNoWriMo started, which I’m surprised at myself. I’m still on track for the normal goal but behind on the stretch goal, but hey, it’s a stretch goal. No need to sweat too much about it, right?

Until this week. Yep, I haven’t written a word since Tuesday. On the one hand it’s good that my ‘can’t get past third day’ curse has now morphed to ‘can’t get past third week’ curse, on the other, well I can’t get past third week! I need to write more! Or at least continue where I left off, but for one reason or another I’ve just been procrastinating. It’s true that I’m starting a new chapter so I’m a little bit apprehensive on my characterization, setting, etc., but that’s no excuse. And it certainly shouldn’t have crippled my drive. I’m chalking it up to constant stress the past two weeks writing. But come on, if I can’t handle stress this mild (?) how does the rest of the world handle a daily stressful job? Granted, the logical side of me is saying that I actually have a daily stressful job with essentially no breaks, but like I said everyone is going through the same thing more or less intact (save people who don’t have to do anything to stay alive ala trust fund people etc.). I mean they also have other stresses like providing for a family and taking care of children and all that stuff. I’m living it easy for now, so it’s even stupider that I can’t work now.

I’m not sure whether I’ll get more writing today. I did just buy a new journal for writing notes – I found the idea of actually keeping a written notebook of all of my ideas rather than randomly strew them across various online platforms to be a better route. I am definitely a digital-age writer – couldn’t ever imagine writing anything longhand, not even when I first started. But with the discovery of bullet journaling I’m slowly coming back around to paper and pen once more. Maybe if I can’t get words down I can at least get more brainstorming to help with the words later. I still have ample time to catch up.

Distracted

I’m supposed to be working – been at the computer for a good two hours now, and I’ve gotten exactly 141 words done. I kept on getting distracted by everything – cute websites, images galleries, kotaku, my army of ipad apps that I play, playlists on Youtube. Oy. Later I have to go out and do the week’s shopping, and tomorrow we’re going to Chinatown, so more time spent. I need to work. But I’m just not concentrating.

My s.o. bought a fidget spinner and it arrived today. I can confidently say that I am not a fan of fidget spinners mostly because my hands are too small to use them effectively. I don’t know what kids do, but I sure as hell can’t spin that thing one-handed without hitting various parts of my fingers. It also doesn’t help with my anxiety. I’ve never spun pens or anything and a toy like that just makes my hand ache. I think a fidget cube is more to my style. I actually want to buy the original, high-quality one from antsy labs, but boy, do they charge a premium. Since Amazon Prime Day is coming up maybe I can snag a deal for a much cheaper alternative. Of course I’d be compromising on quality, but if it turns out that fidget cubes don’t help at least I didn’t just waste 25 dollars trying.

I should’ve gone to the beach with the weather so nice today. But I’m just stuck in the house trying to work and NOT working and wasting my day. I don’t feel very good about how I’m spending my day right now.

A Little Behind

I didn’t work yesterday. I also didn’t work on July 4th because I went a party that lasted pretty much all day. It was awesome! Just…not very productive…

I have so many things I want to talk about on this blog it’s kind of, I don’t know, intimidating? I feel like once I miss the window (like, say, watching Wonder Woman a month ago and STILL HAVEN’T got around to blog about how pretty awesome it was. Or Moonlight. I really want to talk about it but I saw that movie seriously like half a year ago. There’s still half a post sitting in the draft folder. Crazy.) I totally would never talk about it again. It just feels so weird, you know? So..I don’t know where I’m going with this exactly, just that I want to post more and just been too lazy. Major procrastinator, this one.

I’m going to work today. I’m actually doing fairly well on Camp NaNoWriMo for once, pretty much kept to schedule until, well, yesterday. And if you’re thinking “girl it’s only been 7 days” well, I don’t think I’ve ever kept up past day 3 in these challenges, so it’s almost double the length, so, yeah, totally legit victory!

Ugh, lame, I know. Well, I’m going to try to catch up this weekend. At least then I can say I kept going despite setbacks, and not that I failed again. Fingers crossed.

First Day

First day of Camp NaNo and I made my word count. Yay!!

But first days are always easy. It’s the habit that’s hard to form. So, we’ll see how the rest of the week goes, yeah?

My s.o.’s company is having Monday and Tuesday off due to Fourth of July, so we’re essentially having a four-day weekend. And what’re we doing with that? Housework. Yep, there’s a hole in the bedroom we have to patch. The entire upstairs need a good thorough cleaning. We gotta scoop out the dead plant in the planter outside that we’d neglected since, oh, we bought the house nearly a year ago. I’m thinking of trying to get a green thumb by planting something easy and simple like an herb. To do that we first need to buy new soil and seeds and all that good stuff. So, yeah, an entire four days devoted to mundane housework. I feel very much like we’re married right now.

We might go to Malibu one of these days. Probably Monday, if weather permitting. I mean it is So Cal so weather is 97% permitting all the time, but just in case. Need some good beach and ocean time to relax.